Advice for managing a new team, day 0

Setting up a healthy, ethical, and productive working relationship with a new team requires a lot of introspection. This is the guidance I wish I had before my first management role, and what has helped me be successful as an engineering manager in my current role, leading a diverse and high performing security engineering team.

These may be valuable reminders even if you’ve already been in a management role before. And although these suggestions are written for engineering managers, but some may be applicable to other leaders across industries.

Things to prepare and do:

Onboarding is a WILD flood of things to think about and do. Prioritize preparing a few of these things (and self-care) before your first week managing a new team.

★ Read/listen/watch a variety of Engineering Management resources about topics including management, leadership, and inclusion. — Variety is important!

★ Build & maintain a support network, including:

• Managers inside your company (for discussing business confidential topics and learning company norms)
• Managers outside your company (for a nonjudgmental external perspective; can call out Weird Shit that your org normalizes)
• People with similar backgrounds (to recognize & validate shared challenges, and discuss how to navigate them)
• People with different backgrounds (to learn from a different perspective, and have a support network of people empathetic to marginalization experiences that won’t be incapacitated when your community is traumatized by a hate crime — and yes this is sadly important)

★ Go to therapy. … please : ) — Therapy will help you process management challenges, learn how to regulate your emotions (especially during hard conversations), and learn about your failure modes and figure out how to build resilience and sustainably maintain your mental health.

Things to talk about with your team:

Prepare ahead of time how you will talk about and build the foundation of your manager-report relationships.

★ Explicit expectations, leadership style, feedback approach, how you approach technical conversations.

• Consider calling out the weight of your voice in technical decision-making, and thoughtful sharing of how you work (e.g., sharing your work preferences in an inviting way — but you should adapt to the needs of your reports rather than expecting them to adapt to you)

★ When asking about the backgrounds of your reports: Focus on why they’re in this role: what drew them to this role, team, company, what do they want from this role, etc. Please take care on boundaries for what’s work-relevant, what they may want to share, and be explicit that they do not need to share their life story unless it’s something they want to share.

• If someone shares an aspect of their background that isn’t familiar to you (culture, neurodiversity, etc), offer an *opt-in* conversation for you to learn about what’s important to them, but make it easy for them not to have to decline explicitly (e.g., “If you’d like to share in our next 1:1, I’m interested in hearing what holidays or foods are important to you, but we don’t need to talk about that if you don’t want to” — which allows them to bring it up next time or skip it without saying “no”).

★ Build a relationship where reports feel comfortable sharing what could be better, such as by starting with explicitly curious questions inviting them to share something “easy” like “What’s been awkward since I moved into this role?”

• Call out your mistakes, and name your weaknesses. Due to the power dynamic, you should go first when sharing vulnerability, and talk about how you create safety for the entire team to embrace vulnerability — e.g., a growth mindset where you focus on creating success rather than reducing or eliminating failures.

Things to think about and be careful about:

Before every management role, even if this is not your first role, consider how you will navigate the power dynamic between you and your reports. E.g.:

★ Take care on the power of your voice as a manager. Your voice carries more weight as a manager — in everything you say, regardless of whether it’s feedback (report could think, “I might get fired”), an offhand idea (“I must do this”), or a misinterpreted joke (“they really think I could be replaced by a goat!?”).

• Colleagues may perceive your words and behaviors differently than you intended, and could read implicit thoughts even if you share your intent carefully and explicitly. Being a manager often makes your actions more impactful and influential to a broader scope of people.
• To spell it out: The primary difficulty here is that your reports in particular may feel less comfortable asking for clarification or sharing their concerns — and may feel wary of the authoritative power you hold as a manager.

★ Figure out what “inclusive leadership” means to you, and what you need to work on (continuously and always) to address your skill weaknesses or knowledge gaps around being an inclusive leader.

• People managers are responsible for creating a work environment where everyone can succeed, and thinking holistically about what work-related aspects support the wellbeing of each person who is on your team or in the future could be.
• If you’re not ready to put the work in to learn about and think beyond your own background about what other people might need to be successful in the workplace, please find a different job.

Day 1: Meeting your team

Introducing yourself to your team

You’re setting up the foundation for psychological safety in this conversation, so please take time to prepare. Strongly consider sharing vulnerability in some small ways, to model the behaviors you want to see in them and to start building trust.

★ Start by sharing what brings you to this team, to this role. Why do you want to be a manager? Why this team?

★ What’s important to you as a leader, and you as a person? — Make good choices here: think intentionally about how you’re setting up (or damaging) psychological safety. Talk about your leadership approach, your values, and how you approach feedback and performance. How do you work? What do you need?

★ Leave the majority of the time for questions!

• If discussion slows, let the silence sit for a bit. I like to invite questions by asking them: “What else would you like to hear? What do you care about? What are your hopes and fears?”
• If you want to bring out a new flavor of discussion, try asking something like, “What should I know about you?” or “Tell me about your pets”. Remind them that if there’s a pet in the video, they’re required to share. [They aren’t. This is a joke. Please be careful with sarcasm and jokes, and sometimes that means saying “This is a joke” or explaining what the joke is, to ensure it isn’t misinterpreted.]

1:1s:

Your first 1:1s are an opportunity for you to learn about each other, particularly for you to learn about each of your reports. I set context for my first 1:1s in the calendar invitation description, as follows:

• This is an opportunity for me to learn about you, what motivates you, what de-motivates you, what do you need from your manager, etc.
• Some questions we could discuss: Questions for our first 1:1 by Lara Hogan
• I always want to learn and respect your boundaries, such as what you’re comfortable sharing or not (and that can change over time). E.g., I prefer to ask “What would you like to share about your background or what brings you into this role?” rather than “Tell me your life story” (I will never ask this, and never expect you to share, but I’m open and interested in hearing whatever is important to you that you are open to sharing with me.)

Check out other 1:1 resources such as Manager Handoffs.

After that?

Follow so many other resources on what to do in your first 3 months managing a new team. E.g.:

• How to spend your first 30 days in a new senior-level role — and other leadership onboarding resources by Lara Hogan
• The Power of Being New: A Proven Recipe for High Impact, by Hazel Weakly
• Making of a Manager, by Julie Zhou — Real talk on common first year manager experiences, from someone who captured her early management thoughts and feelings.

Here’s a few topics to think about as you settle into your new role:

• Resilience: How are you going to maintain your wellbeing over time? E.g., Resilient Management by Lara Hogan
• Running empty: If you do run low such as due to a personal emergency, how will you handle that? Be ready to step away *before* your batteries are empty. You don’t want to be surprised by an emotionally challenging conversation that you don’t have the energy to navigate with care. E.g., Managing while being affected by trauma
• Inclusion mistakes: Are you prepared to process and navigate your inclusion mistakes? Think about Learning from Mistakes & Zero is a Bad Target: Diverse Teams Experience Friction.
• Feedback: Ask for feedback, including all 3 parts of start/stop/continue. Ask what’s awkward since you moved into this role. Ask the hard questions.